How to Enjoy Sex After Trauma and Reconnect with Pleasure
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The idea of enjoying sex after trauma may sometimes feel like an unreachable dream.
In fact, research shows survivors of intimate violence and sexual abuse may experience a lack of sexual desire. This includes difficulty becoming aroused or feeling pleasure.
And it’s not just that orgasms may be hard to achieve.
According to a 2012 study published in the International Journal of Sexual Health, sexual trauma survivors reported experiencing little to no sexual satisfaction during sexual encounters. Instead, they often associated feelings of shame and guilt with sexual activities.
Healing and building a sense of sexual empowerment after trauma is possible. The choice of whether or not to engage in sex, however, is that of the individual. Celibacy is also a valid choice, one that could become an important stepping-stone to learning more about yourself.
If you decide to embark on this journey, here are some resources and tips to help guide you toward personal and sexual healing.
Visit a health professional or therapist
Sexual problems such as pain, lack of desire or pleasure, as well as the inability to orgasm, may be caused by physiological or psychological issues. That’s why it’s important to consider seeking out trained professionals who can assist you in various aspects of healing.
Visiting a medical doctor is important for investigating physical concerns. On the other hand, when finding a therapist with specialized training in sexual issues may be a significant factor in resolving psychological problems.
Before visiting a sex therapist, do research to check their reviews and confirm they have an advanced degree or any other certification, such as the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counsellors, and Therapists (AASECT).
If you are ready for a hands-on and pleasure-centered approach to sexual healing, you may want to consider therapy with a surrogate partner. While sex therapists do not touch their clients, surrogates partners do.
The most trusted surrogate partners are certified by the International Professional Surrogates Association (IPSA). Most of them are not trained therapists but will work in conjunction with them when taking on clients.
To learn more about sexuality education and surrogate partners, visit the IPSA and AASECT websites.
Recognize there will be bumps
Recovering from sexual trauma, unfortunately, may not always be a simple journey.
A 2017 case study of a sexual assault survivor shows it may be necessary to experience some mental discomfort in order to spot and overcome negative patterns.
According to the journal article “Sex-Positive Assessment and Treatment Among Female Trauma Survivors,” effective therapy must also focus on trauma and sexuality at the same time. Focusing solely on reducing trauma symptoms can take away from the self-reflection necessary to understand your true value.
This process of untangling yourself from false and negative beliefs adopted due to sexual trauma may be uncomfortable or emotionally painful. However, it can benefit survivors by helping them gain knowledge about their sexual identity and comfort levels.
Enroll in sex ed
Remember the old adage that knowledge is power? Well, it still holds true.
Sex-positive sex education programs can help survivors of sexual trauma gain a sense of sexual control and power. In fact, in one study women reported associating better knowledge about sexual pleasure and anatomy with feelings of sexual empowerment.
Feeling safe to speak openly in a supportive group environment about sexual interests was also a factor that helped with sexual self-confidence.
Related Read: How Trauma-informed Yoga Aids Sexual Assault Recovery
More resources on sex after trauma
If you have experienced sexual abuse, assault, harassment, or rape, the effects can be deeply profound and long-lasting. Even after surviving the initial trauma, you may find yourself feeling disconnected from your sexual self. It’s not uncommon to experience a sense of loss, confusion, or fear when it comes to intimacy and pleasure. However, there is hope for healing and rediscovery.
Reclaiming Pleasure: Navigating Sex and the Body after Trauma
Written by psychotherapist Holly Richmond, the book Reclaiming Pleasure: Navigating Sex and the Body after Trauma is grounded in cutting-edge research. It offers practical tools and guidance to help you cultivate a sense of safety, security, and trust as you embark on a journey of recovery from sexual trauma.
Reclaiming Pleasure recognizes that surviving is just the first step in the recovery process. It acknowledges the courage and strength it takes to overcome sexual trauma, and it invites you to take your recovery to the next level.
The book views sexuality as an important and natural part of the human experience, and it seeks to empower survivors to explore their desires and needs in a healthy and fulfilling way.
At the time of writing, the book has an average 4-star review from 40 people on GoodReads.
Image sources: Tim Mossholder
Jenna Owsianik is a Canadian journalist and sex tech industry expert. She is the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Sex For Every Body®.
Her expertise covers state-of-the-art sex technologies and the major fields driving innovations in intimacy: robotics, virtual reality, remote sex (teledildonics), haptics, immersive adult entertainment, human augmentation, virtual sex, and sexual health.
A trained journalist with a Masters of Journalism from The University of British Columbia, Jenna’s reporting has appeared on Futurism.com, Al Jazeera English, CTV British Columbia online, CBS Sunday Morning, CBS 60 Minutes, Global News, and CKNW Radio in Canada and the United States.
